Divorce All-Stars: Heather Mills & Sir Paul McCartney

Things seemed great for Paul and Heather at the start. They had a fairytale wedding, complete with castle and signature song. Oh, but then…

Things started going south after the birth of their child. Then things went from south to knock down, drag out war. Heather blamed the marriage’s demise on one of Paul’s older children and made various claims of abuse. Paul’s team countered with Heather’s own words found in happy anecdotes featured in a book released by Heather in 2006.

Heather fired her lawyer and began representing herself in the proceedings and asked for £125 million. Paul countered with nearly £16 million. They finally settled at nearly £25 million plus yearly support payments. To add insult to injury, during the judgement the presiding judge praised Paul’s handling of the case and scolded Heather for giving inaccurate and inconsistent evidence.

While money can’t buy you love, it can buy you freedom.

McCartney seems to have found L-O-V-E with Barbara Walters’ niece but I think it’s Martha who will always have the crooner’s heart.

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

5 Tips For Co-Parenting

I saw my first Christmas commercial this morning, which can only mean one thing: summer is officially over (ok, two things: and America has a serious consumerism problem). With the back-to-school season officially upon us, a whole host of newly divorced couples are taking their maiden voyage into co-parenting. This can be a tricky transition but the following tips will help you sail along in smoother waters.

Go Hi-Tech with Your Scheduling.
The real key to a seamless schedule is lots and lots of organization. Trying to juggle everyone’s appointments is hard enough when you’re all living under one roof, so balancing activities, splitting time between homes and coordinating custody drop-offs can be a real doozy. The best thing to do is set up what I call a “living calendar.” There are tons of apps and software out there, fiddle around with a few and find which works best for your family. Then set up access for everyone in the family including step-parents or other guardians and caregivers that help with the kids (also include the kids when they’re tech literate enough). Have a color code for each person and have everyone plug in their schedules, and update changes as soon as they happen.

Once everything is set up, you can start every day knowing exactly who is picking up the kids, where they’re staying and who is getting them there. Seeing everything laid out in front of you can really aid in creating a sense of calm and consistency for everyone, especially the kids.

Check-In Regularly.
If you and your ex-spouse are on good enough terms, schedule weekly or monthly catch-up meetings to just get a lay of the land. Use this time to go over any big developments in the kids’ lives, behavioral issues, any overlapping budget concerns and any other topics you see fit. You’re already a well-oiled machine with your living calendar, but some things are better discussed in person. Plus, having consistent meetings will keep the lines of communication open. Again, this is important in creating a sense of calm and consistency for everyone, especially the kids.

Communicate Directly.
Don’t ever use your kids as the messenger or the go-between. They’re not your personal assistants and using them in that way can cause them anxiety and stress where there needn’t be any. Figure out the best method of communication for your situation. Things still a little raw and wrought with emotion? Maybe texting or emailing is best for you. Keep conversations about the kids only, and don’t let your past issues bubble up. Think of your ex-spouse as a colleague. You’re now co-CEOs of your family, so behave as you would at work, meaning keep emotion out of it. Be pleasant and everything, but keep things all business and only about the kids. It may feel odd and fake at first but you may find yourself easing into more casual and comfortable communications eventually… and even if you don’t, you’ll steer clear of the emotional meltdowns.

Compromise! 
Now is not the time to be petty and selfish. You wanted out of that marriage, and you got it, bully for you! Now you both have to focus your energies on your children and trying to make this transition as smooth as possible. Now is not the time to squabble over 15 extra holiday minutes nor is it time to get passive aggressive about lenient “homework in front of the TV” rules. Meet in the middle and pick your battles. While the marriage ship has sailed, you’re in this parenting thing together, for the rest of your lives and I don’t have to tell you that’s the most important role you and your ex-partner will play.

Cultivate Relationsips, Don’t Compare.
A friend once gave me really great advice. He said, “Keep your eyes on your own paper.” I wasn’t cheating off him in math class at the time. What he meant was, focus on your own stuff. Don’t get wrapped up comparing yourself to others. Stay in your own lane and you do you. This is really good advice for co-parenting as well. Focus on the relationship between you and your kids. Don’t waste time comparing yourself to the other parent by questioning who is doing the better job or which parent the kids like more. The time your kids spend at home is a short season, so try to make the most of it. In a blink they’ll be heading off to school and/or into the real world so cherish every minute and know that if you’re doing right by them, none of this “popular parent” stuff matters anyway.

Do you have any co-parenting tips for your fellow parents? Share them with us and we’ll  share them!

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Divorce All-Stars: Elin Nordegren & Tiger Woods

Who could forget the Tiger Woods/Elin Nordegren trainwreck? Once upon a time Tiger Woods was America’s golden child. Parents around the country pushed their kids into the most boring sport invented hoping their average kid with sub-average hand-eye coordination would turn out to be the next Tiger. He had sponsorships coming out of his ears and the whole country cheering for him. It seemed nothing could go wrong…

Then it turned out he was a compulsive cheater and not so cool of a dude and we all turned on him and shamed him into doing weird apology commercials like this one:

Earl asks his son Tiger a few questions before Tiger's return to golf.

Weird, right?

Tiger and Elin were married in 2004. His indiscretions came to light in 2009 after Tiger got in a weird car accident near their home. Tiger went to cheater rehab, as was popular at the time, but it didn’t save their marriage. The divorced was finalized in 2010 and Elin walked away with a reported $100 million.

What can we learn from this? Don’t put people on pedestals and golf is boring. 

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Gain Some Willpower & Avoid Backslide With These Handy Apps

Often the hardest part a divorce is the final step. No, not signing the papers. The real final step is avoiding the backslide. You’ve made your decision, moved out of the house, got a lawyer, had some papers drawn up and you’re ready to embark on your new life. Ahead lies freedom and independence and you’re feeling good. And wait, what’s that now? You’re more than a little tipsy at 3am. And you think it’s a great idea to call Sheila and slur/shout that you’ve made a huge mistake and “Please, please, please, Sheila give me my keys back, I swear it will all be different this time?”

Get it together, Kevin. 3pm you is going to hate 3am you. You don’t want Sheila back. You think you do right now, but you definitely don’t in the long run. Thankfully Kevin and the rest of us live in the modern age and there are tons of helpful tools out there, literally at our fingertips, to keep us strong and far away from the backslide.  

Killswitch cleans up Facebook accounts, erasing an ex from an app user’s FB life including, and arguably most importantly, wiping all pictures the user and ex are tagged in together.

How can this help you, Kevin?

Getting ready for bed, doing your last scrolls you will not “accidentally” stumble upon that picture of you and Sheila in Turks and Caicos. You won’t spend hours flipping through the thirty-one photos from that MLK Day weekend trip back when you loved each other and everything was new. You will not then decide to “just see what Sheila’s up to” hoping her privacy settings are pretty loose ever since you guys defriended each other. You will not see a picture of Sheila looking happy and tan from two weeks ago with her arm around some guy on a beach. You will not start wondering is that Turks and Caicos? Did she take that spitball to your Turks and Caicos? How could she? How could she throw everything you had out the window and defile your love and memories with some jerk in a pair of aviator sunglasses? Did she take him to the boozy brunch place with the good crab cakes? Your crab cakes? You won’t then spiral, turn on Adele and cry for the next thirty-six hours because you used Killswitch.

GAIN SOME WILLPOWER AND AVOID THE BACKSLIDE WITH THESE HANDY APPS

James J. Sexton, Esq. | September 1, 2015 | Divorce & Separation | No Comments

Often the hardest part a divorce is the final step. No, not signing the papers. The real final step is avoiding the backslide. You’ve made your decision, moved out of the house, got a lawyer, had some papers drawn up and you’re ready to embark on your new life. Ahead lies freedom and independence and you’re feeling good. And wait, what’s that now? You’re more than a little tipsy at 3am. And you think it’s a great idea to call Sheila and slur/shout that you’ve made a huge mistake and “Please, please, please, Sheila give me my keys back, I swear it will all be different this time?”

Get it together, Kevin. 3pm you is going to hate 3am you. You don’t want Sheila back. You think you do right now, but you definitely don’t in the long run. Thankfully Kevin and the rest of us live in the modern age and there are tons of helpful tools out there, literally at our fingertips, to keep us strong and far away from the backslide.  

Killswitch cleans up Facebook accounts, erasing an ex from an app user’s FB life including, and arguably most importantly, wiping all pictures the user and ex are tagged in together.

How can this help you, Kevin?

Getting ready for bed, doing your last scrolls you will not “accidentally” stumble upon that picture of you and Sheila in Turks and Caicos. You won’t spend hours flipping through the thirty-one photos from that MLK Day weekend trip back when you loved each other and everything was new. You will not then decide to “just see what Sheila’s up to” hoping her privacy settings are pretty loose ever since you guys defriended each other. You will not see a picture of Sheila looking happy and tan from two weeks ago with her arm around some guy on a beach. You will not start wondering is that Turks and Caicos? Did she take that spitball to your Turks and Caicos? How could she? How could she throw everything you had out the window and defile your love and memories with some jerk in a pair of aviator sunglasses? Did she take him to the boozy brunch place with the good crab cakes? Your crab cakes? You won’t then spiral, turn on Adele and cry for the next thirty-six hours because you used Killswitch.

Designated Dialer grants users the forethought they do not possess on their own. Before heading out for a night on the town, a user picks contacts he or she definitely does not want to call drunk later. If they try, they’re forwarded to a toll-free number that reminds the user calling that person is an awful idea. They can then unlock the contacts later when they’ve got better decision making capabilities and can pass a coordination test.

How can this help you, Kevin?

You’re at a bar on a Tuesday night after a really crappy day at work and wouldn’t you know it Bay City Rollers’ “I Only Want to Be with You” comes on. Sheila’s go-to karaoke song! What are the odds? A minute in you’re weeping so hard you have to sit down. God Sheila, it’s crazy but it’s true, I only want to be with you, you think/scream/cry. Or at least that’s what you feel right now in this exact moment when you’re tired and hungry and a little lonely because you went on a really terrible first date last night. You’re trying to remember why things got so bad with Sheila and while the list is long and reasonable you can’t quite remember even one thing on that list. You’ve also had about a lake’s worth of beer. You pull out your phone and you dial Sheila. But you don’t get Sheila. You get Designated Dialer. Then you get a burrito and eat it in bed and you remember how much Sheila hated your bed burritos and you know what good riddance Sheila.

Never Liked It Anyway is perfect for anyone looking to make a quick buck off a broken relationship. The site lets users buy and sell gifts and other ex memorabilia with great listings that explain why a user is selling an item and what they’d do with the money when someone purchases it.

How can this help you, Kevin?

Sheila had terrible taste. Don’t get me wrong, she had a lot of good qualities, and has so much to offer the world. She’s gonna make some guy, some guy who is not you, really happy one day. In the meantime you’ve got a pile of Sheila gifts sitting in your hall closet. Gaudy watches and flashy silk shirts galore. Who exactly was she dressing? How long have you had those sweatpants? Since high school? How often do you wear them? Always? That’s what I thought. You have no need for these confusingly expensive and very not you items. You could donate them sure. But when you left Sheila you also left her salary… And you’ve always had an entrepreneurial spirit but Ebay confuses you. Good thing you’ve got Never Liked It Anyway. You can pool your earnings and buy forty to fifty new pairs of sweatpants.

Then, of course there’s Tinder for your rebounds and Snapchat for your nudes, but you already knew that, didn’t you Kevin? Go on, get out there Kev. Start your new life full of independence and free from the backslide.

Respectfully,

James J. Sexton

Social Media & Your Divorce (Infographic)

Technology changes by the minute which makes it tough to keep up with social media best practices. It’s worth your while, though, especially if you’re going through a divorce (or thinking about one). Here are some tips to keep in mind: 

An Open Letter to Scarlett O'Hara: The Original Marriage Hacker

Dear Scarlett,

I’m one of your biggest fans. I’m a Yankee, of course, but ever since my grandmother forced me to sit through Gone with the Wind when I was eight, I’ve had a deep respect for your determination and general pluck. It’s possible you were even an inspiration for me being a divorce lawyer, because I think of you as the original marriage hacker. You couldn’t get divorced in old days, but you made the most of three unhappy marriages, taking what you could get and repeatedly building a new empire from the ashes of the last.

Let’s be blunt here: history wasn’t exactly on your side. Yet you managed to survive—and thrive—despite living through a war; despite losing your parents in really awful ways; despite having your entire livelihood burned to the ground; oh, yeah, and despite being tied into a corset, buried in petticoats and told to be a lady. You are not a lady, and that’s what we love about you. Had you lived in modern times, you would have been the terrifying grand dame of any of the “Real Housewives” series, without exception.

The thing about Gone with the Wind is that it everyone thinks it’s a story about love for other humans—your love for Ashley Wilkes, your love for Rhett Butler—but you’re not really a romantic, Scarlett. Women had it rough in the American South; marriage dictated that you were essentially the property of your husband. So not surprisingly, your most lasting love affair was with your house, the infamous Tara. I think the men were more or less just there to provide you and Mammy with some eye candy. Still, I think it’s worth having a look at who you married and how you marriage-hacked your way into a medium-happy ending.

Marriage #1: Charles Hamilton
Charles was your first husband, and you married him on a whim (I love when people do that). You had just found out that your crush Ashley Wilkes was marrying someone else, and as a way to make him jealous, you seduced his new brother-in-law-to-be, Charles Hamilton. You had a son together, in the book anyway, not the movie; then he went off and got himself killed in the war. This is convenient for you, and explains why you married someone right before they marched off to war. But Charles was a safe bet anyway, being super young a bit of a dummy; he would have made a good docile husband for a firecracker such as yourself. But anyway, he’s out of the way.

Marriage #2: Frank Kennedy
After Atlanta was burned in Sherman’s march through the South, tired and traumatized, you returned to Tara, your true love. Unfortunately you arrived to find the whole place had been wrecked and looted, and your mom was dead, and your dead had gone crazy. You probably would have been okay staying single at this point—you were well on your way to getting the farm functional again—until the government raised the taxed on your property. You needed to marry someone with money, and fast.

Rhett Butler, the face that makes all the grannies swoon, sadly wasn’t available, so you quickly settled for your sister’s boyfriend Frank Kennedy, who is—conveniently and thankfully—as much of a dummy as your previous husband was. But he was a dummy with a business, and he could pay the taxes on Tara, who was the only one you really loved, so it was fine. You and Frank even have a kid (in the book, not the movie). Then you get attacked, and in the skirmish that follows, in which local men try to defend your, ehm, honor, your husband Frank is killed. Marriage number two, complete.

Marriage #3: Rhett Buttler
After Frank dies, you’re actually fine. (Financially I mean, of course you were fine emotionally.) You don’t need a husband. But—and here’s where people get generally confused about the love story in Gone with the Wind—you are physically attracted to this Rhett Butler character. So, finally having the freedom to make the mistake most people make with their first marriages, you marry him for the sex. Oh, and also, he’s filthy rich, so that doesn’t hurt. But you don’t love him. You sort of sometimes think you do, but then not so much.

You have a child together (this one actually shows up in the movie) but then, when she dies tragically, so does your marriage. Rhett leaves you. And you decide to go back to Tara, your true wife.

What can be learned from this? A lot.

One big lesson is that if you can’t marry who you actually think you want to be with, the next best option is to marry someone else. Or, in your case, everyone else. Especially if they can get you out of debt and have a high chance of getting themselves killed in some manner.

Another lesson is that people can’t marry houses. Even today.

And a final lesson—and this is probably the real takeaway from this letter—is that women from the South are completely nuts. Take it from your friendly neighborhood divorce attorney: if you hear the rustle of petticoats, run.

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Divorce All-Stars: Madonna & Her (Former) Guy

Gather round, kids, it’s time for your #throwbackthursday divorce story of the week!

Once upon a time (in 2000), just around the time Madonna started pretending to be English, Madonna and Guy were married. They married in a Scottish castle just after their son was born and teamed up together to work on a very terrible film. Thankfully they decided to keep their careers separate following the movie’s epic flop and kept sailing along adding another child to their brood in 2006.

BUT THEN.

Rumors soon started swirling that there was trouble in paradise. They confirmed the split was legit by explaining they couldn’t “bear to live with the pretense any longer,” (#UGH) because Madonna must always be the most dramatic Madonna she can possibly be, at all times. But don’t cry for her (Argentina). 

The divorce proceedings were seemingly tame, and the settlement was finalized in 2008 with Madonna agreeing to pay out Guy something in the ballpark of $80 million. They split custody of their children, though Guy received full custody of Madonna’s English accent.

It was all very posh and everyone lived happily ever after. 

The End.

The Best Divorce Movies to Get You Through the Dark Times

Divorce can be an isolating experience. Especially when those around you haven’t been through it themselves. They can try to comfort you and say the right things, but sometimes you need someone who knows what it’s like. Someone who’s been through it. Someone like my old pal Holly…wood.

There’s a movie out there for everyone. One that will resonate with you, no matter how unique you think your situation is. Below are my absolute favorite divorce movies. Find which one suits your needs, clear off the couch and get some snacks together.

First Wives Club
Did your husband leave you for some twenty-something? Was that twenty-something Jessie Spano? Do you like musical numbers that involve a lot of white semi-formal wear? Yes? Then First Wives Club is for you! Goldie Hawn, Bette Midler and Diane Keaton play three divorcees out for revenge. You can live vicariously through them while still taking the high road even though your ex-husband Steven is scum of the earth and his new girlfriend Tiffani doesn’t look old enough to babysit.

Mrs. Doubtfire
Did you lose your custody battle? Have you considered posing as a female nanny to spend more time with your kids? Yes? Well Mrs. Doubtfire is the film for you, friend. It’s got slapstick and hijinks galore and watching from the comfort of your couch is a heck of a lot cheaper than hiring a professional makeup artist to transform you into an older Scottish lady.  

In Theaters: 28 January 1994 (UK) Daniel Hillard is an eccentric actor who specializes in dubbing voices for cartoon characters. Daniel is a kind man and a loving father to his three kids Lydia, Chris, and Natalie, but Daniel's wife Miranda sees him as a poor disciplinarian, and a bad role model.

Crazy, Stupid, Love
Did your wife leave you for some chump she works with? Do you like looking at Ryan Gosling? Are you looking for some tips to help you pick up women in bars post-separation? Look no further, all that and more awaits you in Crazy, Stupid, Love. Nothing pains me more than to tell you that you’re probably not going to meet Ryan Gosling at your local bar. And he’s not going to date you, nor is he going to teach you about pulling women like your own personal pick-up artist Mystery. But! You can watch this and pretend for two hours that those are all feasible things that can indeed happen.

Crazy, Stupid, Love. movie clips: http://j.mp/1CMl3HT BUY THE MOVIE: http://amzn.to/rP480q Don't miss the HOTTEST NEW TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/1u2y6pr CLIP DESCRIPTION: At a crossroads, a husband and father (Steve Carell) befriends a young lothario (Ryan Gosling). FILM DESCRIPTION: At fortysomething, straight-laced Cal Weaver (Steve Carell) is living the dream-good job, nice house, great kids and marriage to his high school sweetheart.

She-Devil
Is your husband having an affair with a world renowned romance novelist? Do you want to ruin his entire life? Do you need a step-by-step guide? Well, you’ve got one in She-Devil. I don’t know why this movie isn’t more popular, it’s amazing. Just don’t get any ideas… So much of what Ruth does would land you in jail for a long time. 

Desperately Seeking Susan
Are you a bored stay-at-home wife? Do you read personal ads to get you through those monotonous days? Do you live vicariously through those ad writers? Have you ever been swept up in an ancient Egyptian jewel heist? Great! You’ll really relate to this one. So much is good here — fantastic soundtrack, very 80s New York, Madonna — you can’t lose.

Subscribe to TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/sxaw6h Subscribe to COMING SOON: http://bit.ly/H2vZUn Subscribe to CLASSIC TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/1u43jDe Like us on FACEBOOK: http://goo.gl/dHs73 Follow us on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/1ghOWmt Desperately Seeking Susan Trailer - Directed by Susan Seidelman and starring Aidan Quinn, Mark Blum, Robert Joy, Will Patton, Peter Maloney.

Hope Floats
Did your husband cheat on you? Did you find out he cheated on you when he told you on a national talk show? Destroyed by the news, did you move back to your hometown? Yes? That is so freaky because that’s what Hope Floats is about! There is nothing like a sappy chick flick to really get you through the hard times and give you some perspective plus I hear women like this one, too. This flick is the perfect combination of preposterous and heartwarming. 

Heartburn
Are you ready to leave that cheating spouse and start fresh somewhere new? Have you changed your mind about that decision a bunch of times? Well, Heartburn’s for you! It’s based on Nora Ephron’s novel (and personal life!), stars Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson and takes you along on a rollercoaster of a marriage. 

Trailer for Heartburn (1986) Director: Mike Nichols Cast: Meryl Streep, Jack Nicholson, Jeff Daniels, Maureen Stapleton, Stockard Channing Visit http://www.jack-nicholson.info for more info

Enough Said
Are you divorced and dipping your toe back into the dating pool? Are you relatively normal and understated? Yes? Then, this one’s for you. Enough Said is a sweet little film that feels real and just might make you feel less alone in the world. 

A divorced and single parent, Eva (Julia Louis Dreyfus) spends her days enjoying work as a masseuse but dreading her daughter's impending departure for college. She meets Albert (James Gandolfini) - a sweet, funny and like-minded man also facing an empty nest. As their romance quickly blossoms, Eva befriends Marianne (Catherine Keener), her new massage client.

City of God
Sure…you might be getting divorced but at least you aren’t living in a Brazilian favela run by drug lords and corrupt police. Seriously…you haven’t seen City of God? Stop whatever you are doing now and go watch it. It has absolutely nothing to do with divorce but I just didn’t want to make a movie list that had the words “best” and “movies” in it that didn’t have City of God on it.  Why are you still reading this….go watch it….you can thank me later.  

one of the best films ever made.

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Divorce All-Stars: Katy Perry & Russell Brand

I recently shared a post holding up Bruce Willis and Demi Moore as paradigms of mature divorce. Now I want to focus on a slightly—or very—different recently divorced couple, one you might not expect: Katy Perry and Russell Brand.

If you’re one of the uninitiated, Katy Perry is a pop singer-slash-pinup girl known for such classics as “I Kissed a Girl” and “Teenage Dream,” and Brand is a British comedian-slash-revolutionary who likes to piss off various members of the upper classes and book critics by publishing bad—but entertaining—books about Che Guevara.

In all, these two were married, I think, a total of about fourteen months. Not a great start, but hey, we all make mistakes. Anyway, once you get past the uber-quick marriage, there’s a lot to be said for how Brand and Perry handled the divorce once it was in progress. Much like the stars of divorce badassery Bruce and Demi, Perry and Brand kept things pretty much under wraps in terms of how they presented things to the public.

Russell Brand talks to Piers Morgan about his feelings for singer Katy Perry after their divorce. For more CNN videos, check out our YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/cnn Or visit our site at http://www.cnn.com/video/

I mean, Brand made some jokes—that’s his job, after all—but they were pretty mild, and he was ultimately as graceful as Russell Brand has ever been about anything. He wasn’t mean-spirited, just honest: “Marriage is an arse-ache,” was about the height of detail he gave when the media was rushing for the reasons for divorce. Well, sometimes, yes it is. Moving on.

Perry was totally silent on the matter, keeping mum even after a divorce-themed prank was pulled on her by a UK DJ on the air in the middle of her divorce—now that’s professionalism. The point is, the two haven’t said anything vindictive about each other, even when hounded, undoubtedly by the press, to do so. As a result, while people might snicker at the length of the marriage, and maybe the fact that Brand originally suggested a break by text message, overall they did pretty well. Regardless of behind-the-scenes feelings, Brand opted not to take the $20 million of Perry’s money that he was legally entitled to, and Perry even left Brand a little smiley face on their divorce papers.

When it comes to talking about your marriage, there’s a fine line between what’s professional and what isn’t, and Brand and Perry managed like pros. Brand got a laugh or two and moved on; Perry just moved on. And while I don’t condone poking public fun at your marriage or divorce—seems like a recipe for making either one more difficult—I always condone poking fun at yourself. Don’t forget that laughter is the best medicine.

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Why Naked & Afraid Is a Perfect Metaphor For Your Divorce

I managed to catch some of the last season of the Discovery Channel’s weirdly good idea Naked and Afraid, and it struck me while watching that it reminded me of the job I do every day; or more accurately, the job that my clients are doing that I am helping them do, ie. get divorced.

The concept of the show is pretty simple: two people, a man and a woman, are dropped off in a wilderness location, and they have to survive for 21 days. They don’t have any food or shelter, and—the big kicker—they are butt-naked. This is where we are with reality TV in 2015: butt-naked survivalism. But I digress.

One reason among many is that once I watched the show I decided it was a fantastic metaphor for divorce. Another reason is that if I insist the show is about divorce, when I’m watching it later I can call it “research.” So, here you go, friends—here are the reasons why Naked and Afraid is exactly like your divorce.

• It’s a lot sexier for the people watching than it is for the people starring.
• You’re sharing a bed with someone you barely know.
• You find out who your partner REALLY is when you’re both under extreme stress and under a microscope.
• Having your dirty laundry discussed by strangers is a lot like being naked.
• People stop sharing. Like the lady who ate a whole coconut by herself and lied about it to her partner. …In my board room.
• The ongoing task calls upon all your skills of endurance and emotional control.
• At several points you wonder why you ever signed up for this. And then you remember what quitting would mean, so you keep going.
• When you get to the finish line, you are rewarded with a huge sense of freedom—breathe it in.

Although, in divorce you get off relatively easy on some counts. For example, you don’t have to poop naked. In front of a stranger. On camera. You do get to shower during divorce proceedings, and you also are unlikely to have to eat bugs, I mean if your divorce lawyer is any good at all.

The lesson I take out of Naked and Afraid (as well as participating in many divorces) is that you have to prepare yourself. And then when you’re prepared, you have to prepare a bit more. I’m the master of preparedness. For divorce, that is; I would never last beyond the first episode of the show. In terms of divorce only, I am the McGuyver that’s going to rip through the wilderness and build you a shopping mall using only a toothpick and my bare hands. And that, my friends, is the cue that my hyperbolic metaphors have all run out.

Let me know if you’re watching the show! I want to hear your thoughts.

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Divorce All-Stars: Diandra Luker & Michael Douglas

Picture this:

It’s 1977…

Jimmy Carter has just been inaugurated…

A young couple is slow dancing on a crowded dance floor to Rod Stewart’s “Tonight’s the Night” (maybe that’s the song? I’m just taking a stab in the dark here)…

© 2008 WMG Tonight's The Night [Gonna Be Alright]

That couple? Michael Douglas and Diandra Luker. At a Jimmy Carter inauguration party. Seriously! That’s where Michael Douglas met first wife Diandra, the daughter of an Austrian diplomat. Celebrities really aren’t at all like us, are they?

The two were married six weeks later and Diandra stood by Michael’s side as his career took off. They reportedly separated sometime around 1995 and haggled over details until 2000, when the divorce was finally settled.

In recent reports, Michael has allegedly claimed the marriage went on for ten years too long. Perhaps he’s speaking about the emotional burden of ten years of strife, or perhaps it’s the $45 million payout he ended up having to fork over that’s really got him wanting to rewrite history.

Our Complicated Relationship With Social Media

While art directing my perfectly curated breakfast of avocado toast and an iced latte, complete with a blogworthy striped paper straw, I thought to myself daaamn this looks good, I’m going to get so many likes. But I also thought about a simpler time, when I ate without photographing it, when I could see the stage of a concert with my own eyes instead of through the 100 phones in front of me, and before I felt the need to micro-document every single thing I did to prove to my high school frenemies on Facebook that my life was way, way better than any of theirs. Just 10 years ago the world was very different.

With the advent of Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter (the holy trinity), and of course their handheld facilitator — the smart phone — our lives, our relationships and the way we interact has totally transformed. Though, with each technological triumph are we becoming a better society? A wise man named Neil Postman opined, “Technological change is always a Faustian bargain: technology giveth and technology taketh away, and not always in equal measure.  A new technology sometimes creates more than it destroys.  Sometimes, it destroys more than it creates.”

So, which camp are we in? Are we better off now than we were 10 years ago? It’s hard to say. Sure we’re all zombies with stooped heads, growing hunchbacks, stuck in the technology loop Portlandia perfectly described:

But the world has also shrunk and we’re able to meet and bond with people all over the place. It’s now easier than ever to find and build our own tribes. Access to information, art and music has never been more democratic. And of course, how we fall in love today is different as well.

I just finished reading comedian Aziz Ansari’s new book Modern Romance, an interesting sociological study on dating in modern times, in all its glory and horror. He too grappled with the question of whether we’re better off now than we were pre-social media. In America Tinder, Grindr, OkCupid and their dozens of copycats bring people together with a few taps and swipes. But in Japan, marriage and birth rates are declining and the contemporary internet age seems to be isolating people from each other more than bringing them together. Ansari didn’t find a definitive answer to whether we’re better off, but in much of the world social media is instrumental in getting people together.

It’s so commonplace now, that more and more the answer to “So how did you two meet?” is simply “the internet.” It is so the norm that chatting someone up, human-to-human, is so weird it merits experiments like this:

Last weekend my single friend Tom challenged himself to find his next date - OFFLINE. This video is currently nominated for a Webby!

Sometimes people find their soulmates online and sometimes aspiring writers turn horrible dates into great short stories. But let’s focus on the soulmate couple. They swiped their way to true love and are now married, but social media’s influence does not end there. Dating apps and sites are of course expediting the cheating process, busting up marriages left and right. Curious partners snoop their way into uncovering cheating spouses who reconnected with their high school sweethearts thanks to Facebook. Concerned fans tweet wives mariage-shattering photo discoveries. Then there are all those politicians sending crotch shots to strangers, mangling their careers and their marriages in one fell swoop.

Even once the marriage is a pile of smoking ashes, the impact of selfie sharing and status updates is not over. Shiny social media accounts can make a person the envy of all their friends but they can also get them into hot water. Custody, alimony, and all sorts of other details of a divorce can be tied to what is posted online.

It does not fare well for a custody argument when a person’s supposed to be with the kids but instead they’re tagged in Facebook pictures slamming shots in Vegas. Boasting about a new car and flashy lifestyle on Twitter does not bode well for the “I swear I’m broke. I need alimony, your Honor” stance. Even the innocuous can be detrimental. Kid not properly bucked in his carseat in that Instagram post? Does it matter that they weren’t moving and two seconds after the picture was taken the parent fixed the buckle? It certainly doesn’t to a spouse’s attorney when she argues that they’re an unfit parent who doesn’t care about a child’s safety.

So what’s a person to do? Well, use your brain. Basically, don’t be dumb. Maybe posting a link to Rihanna’s “Bitch Better Have My Money” (NSFW!!!) video with a “Lol” isn’t the best status update to post on the morning of your court hearing. Set your privacy settings so that you can review pictures before you’re tagged in them. Think through each thing you want to post, and when you decide it’s fine, don’t post it, take a walk around the block and think it through once more. Honestly, if possible, the best idea is unplug. Take a break from all your accounts. Commune with nature. Meet up with your friends and talk to them in person. Read a newspaper instead of a newsfeed. Let us lawyers do our jobs while you enjoy the peace and quiet of a simpler life. And hope that your soon to be ex-spouse didn’t take any of this advice and all his or her internet mistakes will prove fruitful for you.

So, have we destroyed more than we created? Are we better off in this new frontier where we can Seamless tacos, swipe right to find a date, tweet the entire world our deepest and shallowest thoughts, text our grandmas happy birthday, and share the screenshots on Instagram — all without having to move an inch off our couches? Are we better communicators now? Is all this convenience giving us better, streamlined lives?

Well, the answer is simple. Just kidding! I have no idea. And I don’t have the free time to get a PhD in sociology and anthropology and the nine hundred other fields that all have to converge to get into even the same ballpark as the answer. I know this much to be true: Neil Postman was right. Social media giveth and taketh away. Social media brings us together and tears us apart. Social media can prove helpful and totally detrimental to divorce proceedings. This is the world we live in now, we must accept it. Now who wants tacos? We don’t have to talk to anyone at all to get them delivered to our door. Hang on, I’ll grab my phone.

Respectfully,
James Sexton

20 Excuses That Aren't Going to Fly In Light of the Ashley Madison Breach

It’s been a stressful Monday for a lot of approximately 37 million folks out there and we’re not just talking about the usual #manicmonday craziness – We’re talking about oh-god-everything-is-going-to-go-down-the-tubes stressful. It’s a whole different level.

We imagine many have been racking their brains with excuses to give if The Impact Team decides to go ahead and spill “all customer records, including profiles with all the customers’ secret sexual fantasies and matching credit card transactions, real names and addresses, and employee documents and emails”.

We’re not sure what you should say if you’ve found yourself in such a predicament but here are 20 things you definitely should not say. You’re welcome.

1. I thought it was a baby names website.
2. I was undercover writing an investigative expose.
3. I was trying to get to the Ashley Madekwe fan site. I got really into the first season of Revenge while you were out of town. I just wanted to show Ashley and the whole Revenge cast my support.
4. I signed up to make sure you weren’t a member. You passed the test!
5. What is this “internet” you speak of, I am not familiar.
6. I was looking for a Billy Madison fan page – You KNOW I love Adam Sandler. I celebrate his whole catalog.
7. Wow! Sorry! The married people on the radio ad really reacted WAY cooler than you are about this.
8. I saw all the photos and thought it was a fashion blog for middle-aged people with no heads.
9. I was trying to improve my golf game. I googled “how to swing” and it just came up.
10. I felt like sleeping with our neighbor would be boorish and this seemed more considerate.
11. I was looking for a new babysitter! … Do they not offer that?
12. I thought I was doing you a favor!
13. That wasn’t me who signed up – That was drunk me.
14. Wait, you mean you’re not one of the 37 million on it?
15. … Hall pass?
16. I thought this was the sexier version of TaskRabbit.
17. So, you’re telling me we weren’t on a break?
18. But all our married friends are on here!
19. We always cheat on our taxes – Is this really so different?
20. Well, I guess they delivered – I’m screwed.

And if you need legal advice, you know who to call.

Respectfully,
James Sexton

Ashley Madison Hack: Bad News For Cheaters, Good News For Divorce Lawyers

Did you have a good weekend? It was hot here in New York City, one of those weekends where you don’t want to move an inch. Hey, quick question. Did you use AshleyMadison.com to cheat on your spouse? Oh, you did. Hey, did you see the news this morning? No? Rushing to get out of the house, huh? We’ve all had those mornings. So, about Ashley Madison, I’ve got some bad news…

Krebs on Security is reporting that Ashley Madison has been hacked and 37 million users have had their data compromised. Not good for any of you who embraced AM’s motto “Life is short. Have an affair.” Perhaps it’s time to modify that slogan to “Life is short. Have an affair. Get a good divorce lawyer. You should probably monitor your credit closely for a while.”

A hacker group called “The Impact Team” is allegedly holding the data hostage, threatening to release all sorts of details that could ruin marriages, embarrass users and lead to identity theft. According to the Krebs article, AM CEO Noel Biderman confirmed the hack. He told Krebs “We’re not denying this happened,” which incidentally might be a great way to break your affair news to your spouse.

If “The Impact Team” does release the data who knows how many hearts will be broken. But one thing’s for sure, us lawyers have a busy autumn coming up.

Respectfully,
James Sexton

Divorce All-Stars: Jerry Hall & Mick Jagger

According to rock and roll legend, this rockstar divorce all started when Mick chased Jerry around a ping pong table at a party in 1976. Jerry’s then-fiance Bryan Ferry kicked very married Mick out of the party and a year passed before they saw each other again. Mick, still married and Jerry, still engaged fell in love during a clandestine vacation in Morocco because when you’re a married rockstar courting an engaged supermodel, theatre tickets and Italian reservations just won’t do. What followed was a highly publicized romance full of passion, cheating (allegedly), world tours and magazine covers.

In 1990, after two kids and quite the rollercoaster of a relationship, they made things official — err, “official” — in a traditional Balinese Hindu ceremony that wasn’t exactly legal. They lived as husband and wife and had two more children before things came to a head when Mick got a Brazilian model pregnant. Jerry had enough of his cheating and filed for divorce in 1999, but all was not so straightforward.

Turns out that Balinese wedding wasn’t so official and Mick and Jerry had actually been living ascommon law husband and wife. Mick contested the legality of the marriage with this quite large loophole and they were granted an annulment instead of a divorce. Jerry walked away with an amount estimated to be between $15 million and $25 million, a fraction of Mick’s alleged $325 million fortune.

You might think things get pretty awkward any time they cross paths now, but that’s not the case at all! Mick and Jerry are quite civil and see each other often at family get togethers and Hollywood soirees. This all could have gone very TMZ when you think about the moving parts of this story — rockstar, supermodel, Balinese marriage, lots of alleged infidelities, etc., but instead it turned out to be a best case scenario split.

Have a question about divorce? Leave it in comments below, tweet to me, email me, phone me— Let’s talk.

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Divorce Lessons From the Real Housewives of Orange County

Everyone has their favorite nutso reality wives, and the Real Housewives of Orange County are (one of) mine. Each season is chock-full of WTF-ery, and this season’s no exception. Not only are they full of drama, silicone and alcohol, but they’ve also been keeping us divorce lawyers busy for ten seasons now. Just how many divorces have these ladies left in their wake? Let’s take a look.

Vicki Gunvalson – 2

Tamra Judge – 2

Alexis Bellino – 1

Gretchen Rossi – 1

Shannon Beador – 0

Heather Dubrow – 0

Jeana Keough – 1

Lauri Waring – 2

Lizzie Rovsek – 0

Lydia McLaughlin – 0

Lynne Curtin – 1

Jo De La Rosa – 0

Quinn Fry – 1

Tammy Knickerbocker – 1

Peggy Tanous – 1

Kimberly Bryant – 0

Meghan King Edmonds – 0

That’s a total of 13 divorces! That’s a lot of summer homes, European vacations, and botox parties for my Californian colleagues. A lot of divorces yes, but none should be seen as anything but a learning experience, especially for viewers. Here are some important lessons we can learn from those spray-tanned, bejeweled top wearing, medically “enhanced” housewives:

1. Be honest about, and in the loop regarding your finances.
Lynne was blindsided by an eviction notice and a shocking confession from her husband regarding their dwindling bank accounts. Do not be Lynne. Do not assume bills are being paid and all is right with your family’s books. Even if you’re not the breadwinner, there is no reason you shouldn’t be totally on top of your family’s finances. Know your bills, know your bank accounts, know what’s coming in and what’s going out.

2. Divorce should be an option.
This season we’ve got a front row seat to Shannon’s marital troubles. From couples retreats to staged fake funerals, Shannon and husband David are really trying to save their marriage. Shannon keeps insisting “divorce isn’t an option.” Well, she doesn’t have to take it, but it should at least be an option. If they cannot make it through their problems, there is no reason they must stay together. It is a myth that staying together is better for the kids. Giving the kids a healthy, emotionally balanced household, or households as it were, should be the top priority. Screaming matches, miserable parents and growing resentment are all perhaps much worse than the divorce Shannon refuses to entertain.

3. Have a prenup! 
Vicki’s messy divorce from Don dragged on and on as they hammered out the details of their split, including the fight over spousal support. Not having a prenup can really cost you, as Vicki found out the hard way. Prenups don’t “ruin the romance,” they prepare you for the future because this is real life, not a fairytale. If your prenup never becomes applicable, great! If it does, you’ll thank yourself for having the safety net.

4. Don’t date Slade. Just don’t. Don’t.
Even if you had a time machine to take you back to his Amex- Black-Card-literally-setting-money-on-fire-with-idiotic-collectibles days from Season One it’s just not worth it. Just ask Jo who, you may have noticed, is now, post-Slade, far more likely to actually need that ridiculous maid costume for work as a real maid.

5. If financially possible, don’t live in the same house once you’ve decided to break up.
Jeana lived with Matt long after they decided to split. It was awkward and prevented Jeana from moving on with her life. When you split, hit the bricks if at all possible. Start fresh somewhere new, or have your ex-partner do it.

6. If it’s important to you, fight for it. 
Whether it’s the house, custody of the kids or the dogs (looking at you Gretchen), or anything else that means the world to a you, don’t give up the fight. Tamra had a bitter, drawn out custody battle with Simon that left her in tears throughout many episodes. But she kept fighting, and according to interviews she’s pleased with the final result.

7. The third time might just be the charm. 
One divorce may not be enough to get long lasting happiness; sometimes it takes two. Lauri, Vicki and Tamra all seem to have found love the third time around. While Tamra and Lauri went through with a third wedding, Vicki seems to be happy just living with Brooks (for the purposes of this lesson, please ignore all the Brooks turmoil, nod your head in agreement, and move onto the next lesson).

8. Don’t lose yourself in your marriage. 
If the housewives can teach us anything, it’s that keeping a sense of self is paramount to happiness. Design that jewelry, swimwear or dress line. Take a job on the “news,” start a wine club or develop a line of vodka. Whatever it is pursue your interests and if you can turn that pursuit into a paycheck, all the better for your post-divorce life!

9. If you’re having relationship troubles, don’t sign up for a reality television show. 
In no way will it help. Look at the dozens and dozens of reality divorces that preceded your relationship troubles. You are not somehow different from them. That kind of magnifying glass could shake up even the strongest of relationships. Pop the popcorn, change into your pjs and get comfy on the couch. It’s much better being on this side of the TV.

What valuable marriage and divorce lessons have the ladies of the OC taught you? Tweet me or leave it in the comments below!

Divorce All-Stars: Demi Moore & Bruce Willis

There are a lot of mistakes you can make while in the process of getting a divorce. Let’s face it: your negative emotions probably own your life, and you’ve started some not-so-great habits like having your first end-of-the-day glass of wine at 2 pm … It’s a recipe for disaster.

A good divorce attorney will help you avoid some of those mistakes, and in the spirit of being good at my job, I wanted to zoom in on couples who—although they’ve had very public divorces—have actually managed to make mostly good decisions and thus do minimal damage to themselves, their reputations, and probably their wallets as well.

Of those celebrities who have set a decidedly good example of divorce, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore are one of the classics.

Willis, best known for his roles in Die Hard and The Fifth Element, and Moore, known for films likeGhost and GI Jane, married in 1987, and had three children together. They divorced in 2000, for reasons that were never discussed publicly (this in itself was a hugely good decision on the part of both people).

Rumer, their oldest daughter, has been quoted as saying she is “so thankful and grateful” that her parents made such an effort to be civil, and keep things out of public eye. “I never had to split up vacations or split up birthdays,” said Rumer. “They always made an effort to do all of the family events still together and made such an effort to still have our family be as one unit, as opposed to two separate things, which I think really made an impact.”

The proof is in the pudding, as they say. There are virtually no negative comments, photos, or statements floating around out there in the media from either of the divorcees, meaning they really kept their mouths shut and did what was right for the kids and themselves. (After so many years in this business, I know that no matter how “amicable” a divorce is on the outside, there’s always hurt behind the scenes—nobody gets away scot-free.) There are also no photos of drunken rebound partying, no quick marriages to new people, no publicity stunts or strategic talk-show appearances directly associated with their divorce; they pretty much just got on with things and ignored the gossip mill, much to their benefit.

 
You do, however, see plenty of photos of the “one unit” family that Rumer Willis talked about, going on vacation with new partners and all. Whatever willpower it took those first couple of times, major kudos to Moore and Willis for pulling it off. And you can imagine it has lots of benefits, if you can actually get along with your ex’s new partner.

The persistent stereotype that divorce lawyers are more interested in increasing conflict than helping “cooler heads” prevail is understandable. Divorce lawyers get paid to fight.  We simply don’t get paid as much when people get along. To suggest that this means we are all, as a profession, interested in banging the war drums is simply inaccurate.  Oncologists don’t get paid when people don’t get cancer – but they aren’t looking to give people cancer or hoping that the cancer spreads so they can buy into a nicer share in the Hamptons.

Divorce attorneys are actually in a position to support genuinely amicable arrangements if the divorcing parties are interested in doing that. We’ve been on both sides of nearly every co-parenting issue two people can dispute and we can give you solid advice on how to lower the level of conflict and become not only a cooperative co-parent but a proactive co-parent: quashing conflicts before they happen and anticipating issues that might, if left unattended, cause short or long term upset between otherwise amicable parties.

There’s an old saying in divorce law: “Elephants don’t marry Zebras”.  Both Bruce and Demi (and the family law attorneys who advised them) deserve a round of applause for the family life they worked to create for their children.  I’m sure it wasn’t always easy but the rewards were likely well worth the challenges. In a world where divorces and custody disputes can be brutal – it’s nice to see a family doing it well.  Gold star for the Moore/Willis clan!

Have a question about divorce? Leave it in comments below, tweet to me, email me, phone me—I’m all ears.

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Think They're Still Together? Teen Couple Movie Edition

We had so much fun in our last installment that I thought it’d be a treat to once again use the firm’s years of experience in the world of failed romance to offer our predictions on the Romeos and Juliets of our formative years; the people who really taught us how to love — teen movie couples! Grab your popcorn and let’s go for a walk down Romance Lane…

She’s All That – Laney & Zack

Still together? NO.
Zack and Laney came from two different worlds – a cool jock one and a loser art one. In true teen movie fashion, what started out as a bet led to true love. Zack was trying to prove to his friends he could turn any girl into prom queen and while Zack thought he was teaching Laney lessons about popularity, turns out Laney was teaching Zack about the real world the whole time. They got together in the end, but I don’t think it lasted. Zack doesn’t know which way is up, he’s a ship without a sail and eventually I think that got to Laney. That and the hacky sack. They probably made it through the summer but when it was time to head off to college Laney wisened up and kicked him to the curb.

Pretty In Pink – Andie & Blane

Blane Tells Andie He Loves Her.

Still together? NO.
Blane, major appliance, and Andie, poor person, were mismatched from the start. Blaine was ritzy and rich and Andi was poor and stricken with terminal Duckie disease, but they fell for each other against all odds, and against Steff’s wishes. Sure they showed a divided town that love knows no boundaries but they totally broke up like a week after prom. The thrill of their social subversion wore off pretty quick and they realized they had nothing to talk about. Andie was always going on about sewing and being destitute and Blane couldn’t focus on his Ferrari catalogs while she was yapping away. So, they broke up, Duckie came out and Steff murdered a prostitute.

Clueless – Cher & Josh

Clueless movie clips: http://j.mp/1L8aAwy BUY THE MOVIE: http://amzn.to/txdI1P Don't miss the HOTTEST NEW TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/1u2y6pr CLIP DESCRIPTION: Josh (Paul Rudd) asks Cher (Alicia Silverstone) how she feels about him and they share a kiss. FILM DESCRIPTION: Jane Austen might never have imagined that her 1816 novel Emma could be turned into a fresh and satirical look at ultra-rich teenagers in a Beverly Hills high school.

Still together? YES.
Would Cher and Josh break up? As if. (See what I did there?). After playing cupid to set up two of her teachers, Cher turned her attention to more trying charitable work by making over tragic fashion victim Tai. In the process Cher chipped through the veneer of her superficial personality, found herself and accidentally fell for her own grunge listening, save the whale protesting, college liberal stereotype of a step-brother. Woopsie.  Odds and social convention may have been stacked against them, but I think they made it. Cher grew up to be Elle Woods and probably joined her father and Josh in the family litigation business. Cher still has her ditzy side but Josh finds it endearing. And Josh’s veganism became less annoying, and more of a fad so Cher hopped on the soy wagon. They bicker and get on each other’s nerves, but there’s a solid foundation there.

Sixteen Candles – Sam & Jake

Still together? NO.
Sam and Jake got together after Sam’s whole family forgot her birthday and a lot of questionable, often racist things happened at a school dance and house party. Sam’s unrequited love was finally, um, requited thanks to Farmer Ted’s matchmaking skills. Sam and Jake shared a tender kiss over birthday cake and a million girls’ hearts exploded all at once. But did their love flourish? Maybe for the rest of Jake’s senior year, but after that, probably not. But what a year it was! Homecoming, winter formal, and prom were, I am sure, wonderful experiences. Then Jake split town for college and Sam basked in the warm glow of her hard earned popularity for another two years of high school.

Empire Records – Corey & AJ

I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS MOVIE.

Still together? NO.
It was hard for Corey to realize she wasn’t in love with Rex Manning and that she was in fact in love with sensitive artist AJ, but she got there in the end. And really, what better way to bounce back from total humiliation at the hands of sexy Rexy than having AJ profess his love on a record store rooftop? But did it last? Nah. Corey and AJ moved to Boston where Corey obviously developed a cocaine problem to cope with Harvard stress. AJ dropped out of art school after one semester, hitchhiked to Portland and founded a radical yarn bombing collective. Corey suffered several nervous breakdowns but eventually became a doctor and on slow nights in the ICU she gazes off into the distance and thinks of AJ and what he’s up to. He graffiti knits on lampposts, Corey. He’s happy and thinks of her often.

10 Things I Hate About You – Kat & Patrick

How to get a girl stop being mad at you - A TRIBUTE TO HEATH LEDGER :(

Still together? YES.
Bianca Stratford could only date if her uptight, ornery sister Kat did. New kid Cameron wanted to date Bianca. What’s a teen to do? Scheme of course. Cameron paid rough and tumble bad boy Patrick to woo impossible Kat, and wouldn’t you know it, it worked and along the way Patrick fell for Kat. Did they make it though? Yes. Kat and Patrick moved to New York after graduation and continued to have an on-again/off-again relationship for the rest of their lives. There are probably kids in the mix now that are raised on a steady diet of riot grrrl and unpasteurized milk. Begrudgingly they left the lower east side to move upstate to Rosendale or somewhere so Patrick could have more room to sculpt and Kat could have a proper writing room for her poetry. No one knows how the bills get paid but they do. Every six months or so there’s a big bust up and Patrick leaves for a few weeks, but he always comes back and the cycle begins anew.

Can’t Hardly Wait – Amanda & Preston

Can't Hardly Wait movie clips: http://j.mp/1JanwQl BUY THE MOVIE: http://j.mp/SVBTvy Don't miss the HOTTEST NEW TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/1u2y6pr CLIP DESCRIPTION: At long last, Preston (Ethan Embry) fulfills his destiny and makes a move on Amanda (Jennifer Love Hewitt).

Still together? YES.
Preston loved Aman-DUH from afar for years. Finally, finally, finally he had the guts to tell her, in a letter, at movie history’s most wonderful and unrealistic high school party. The movie’s end credits told us “they are still together,” and while I find that a little questionable, who am I to argue with stone cold credits facts? They totally had a Barry Manilow cover band play at their wedding.

Drive Me Crazy – Nicole & Chase

Still together? NO.
Nicole and Chase were good friends until puberty and the cutthroat world of social climbing hit the scene. But one fateful day before the centennial dance, Nicole and Chase joined forces to trick two other students into loving them. It worked, but Nicole and Chase fell for each other during the process. Then their parents announced they were in love and moving in together. That’s odd to say the least. Girlfriend and boyfriend is hard enough, but add brother and sister on top of that, and it’s really hard to make a relationship work. They both went off to college and grew up and now make awkward eye contact over the Thanksgiving table.

Never Been Kissed – Josie & Sam

Still together? YES.
Sure Josie and Sam’s relationship was forged on a lie where the false circumstances actually made the burgeoning relationship really, really wrong. But Josie fessed up and explained she wasn’t in fact a high school senior, she was an adult woman reporter undercover, and their illegal and frankly very gross flirtation was actually totally cool. It’s hard to get past the original circumstances though isn’t it? He was a teacher; she was a high school student. It was totally and completely inappropriate no matter how ~mature~ and smart and interesting Josie was. Sam is the real grossie in this story, huh? Anywho, are they still together? Yeah. Once you get past the yuck, bleh, and ew beginning and they’re both legal adults, they are really sweet together and I think they made it.

Respectfully,

James J. Sexton

Divisible With Liberty & Justice For Both

What a great time to be an American! After last week’s historic Supreme Court rulings, there’s so much to celebrate, including not having to pretend you’re Canadian while on vacation in Europe! And while the Fourth is traditionally full of flag waving, hot dogs and fireworks, I like to think in addition to being psyched to be a free American, it can also be a time to reflect on hard fought personal freedoms — you know, the divorced kind! Divorce often doesn’t come cheap, but the independence gained can be priceless.

Divorce is not just the dissolution of an old contract, it’s also the time when you and your ex sign a new contract buying your freedom and independence back from each other. The two of you are basically the Jefferson and Franklin to your marriage’s King George, cutting ties and forging ahead into the great unknown. As Gerald F. Lieberman aptly said, “Divorce is a declaration of independence with only two signers.” Try to agree beforehand who is Jefferson and who is Franklin, it makes for an easier signing process (may I recommend whichever one of you has the better hair be Jefferson).

Don’t get me wrong, embarking on this new freedom can be scary, as it is the unknown. But just like that stuffy room full of men in pantaloons, you must charge ahead, throw caution to the wind and grab hold of your future.

Pen in hand, you might feel like a baby bird, tiny and terrified to leave the safe comfort of the devil you know (not that your soon to be former spouse is the devil, but you know what I’m trying to say). It’s ok, baby bird, harness the bravery of our forefathers within yourself. Set pen to paper and embolden yourself by humming in your head, or ideally, playing out loud George Michael’s “Freedom ‘90.”

George Michael's official music video for 'Freedom! '90'. Click to listen to George Michael on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/GeorgeMichaelSpotify?IQid=GMFree As featured on George Michael: Twenty Five.

Squiggle out your signature and say “Hello future! It’s great to see you! I look forward to the freedoms I will enjoy though I know it might be a hard road! But at least I’ve got air conditioning, gps and modern medicine, so already I’m sort of ahead of those forefathers and it worked out pretty ok for them!”

Unlike all those rom-coms that ingrain the belief that you need another person to complete you (Jerry Maguire even went so far as to make “you complete me” a catch phrase – UGH.) you’re going to do just fine on your own. You’re strong and capable and life is too short to while away in an unhappy marriage. A bunch of dudes got together and decided they wanted to be free, and to do so they had to declare war against a king. War! A king! That’s no small potatoes. All you have to do is call up a qualified lawyer such as myself. So let’s get going and let’s let freedom ring.

Happy Fourth, folks!

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton

Think They're Still Together? TV Sitcoms Edition

Did you watch so much TV as a kid that sometimes you can’t remember which are your own memories and which belong to Greg Brady? No? Just me? Fair enough. After decades of inviting TV families into my living room, I’m really invested in their everlasting happiness. Sure they’re fictional, but their stories don’t have to end after a series finale. Not when you play my favorite game: hey, think they’re still together?

After facilitating the demise of unhappy marriages for over a decade, we at the firm have developed an eye for spotting which couples are solid and which are likely to end up in our office. Call it a blessing or call it a curse, just please don’t call to invite us to your next party only to make predictions about your neighbors. This game can get ugly when played in real life so let’s just stick to the tube, shall we?

The Nanny – Fran and Max

Still together? NO

When last we saw the Sheffields, they were moving to California with their newborn twins and Grace. Were they destined for that Bower-Micelli brand of marital bliss? They sure started out in a similar setup, but no. Things were fine in California for a while, but then Max’s sitcom got canceled. The economy tanked and Max struggled to make a mark on the LA theatre scene. Deep down, Fran still held a grudge over that first time Max said he loved her then took it back and would bring it up during fights over money. Then tragedy struck — Loehmann’s closed. Fran fell into a catatonic state, the house got foreclosed on and Max split back to England leaving Grace to care for Fran and the twins. Every so often you can catch Grace wheeling Fran around a Nordstrom Rack in the Valley and if you listen carefully you can here Fran muttering “It’s not the same…” over and over.

Who’s the Boss – Tony and Angela

Still together? YES

We never got to see Angela and Tony get married, but I think we can all agree they did. Angela was a modern woman, leaning in from day one, and perhaps would have been happier with a long lasting partnership never officially recognized by the government. But Tony was a different story. His strong Italian Catholic roots likely had him insisting on marriage. Angela probably made some wry quip about how they’d been living in sin for eight years so what’s the difference? Tony probably called her Ang and explained how much it meant to him. Angela probably said oh, alright and they hugged while music swelled and the scene faded to black. I’m sure the wedding was at the house. Jonathan was best man. Sam was maid of honor. Mona officiated. It was beautiful! Oh yeah, I guess Billy was there too. But did they last? Yes. Their love developed over time. They started as friends first. They figured out how to live together and how to raise their kids together before romance ever entered the picture. They worked hard at balancing out a power struggle in a unique situation (A man! As a housekeeper! A man!!). So yes, the Bower-Micellis are most likely happily retired in Connecticut right now.

The Cosby Show – Sondra and Elvin

Still together? YES

We’ll just leave the Bill Cosby controversy over there on the other side of the room while we talk about the only Cosby Show relationship that really mattered: Sondra and Elvin. Mismatched from the start, right? How did they even get together? Sondra was driven, responsible and no nonsense. Then Elvin came into her life. You remember Elvin? The misogynist who talked Sondra into dropping out of law school to open a wilderness store because their camping honeymoon was so fun? Yeah, why not throw away everything you worked for on a whim? A wilderness whim! Later on they had twins and got their heads back on straight and both went back to school. But did they last? Yes. Why? Because they had busy careers, outsourced their childcare and never saw each other. It was easier to stay married than get divorced and they got to live their lives happily and separately.

Mad About You – Paul and Jamie

Still together? NO

In the finale set years in the future, the Buchmans were separated. Love’s rekindled at daughter Mabel’s film screening and we’re told they lived happily ever after. But did they? Paul left Jamie for being “unkind.” I don’t think you can ever truly come back from that, spark or no spark. That’s a shot right to the gut not a lot of people could move past. I’m sure they tried to make it work for a while but ultimately there too much pain and resentment there.

Family Matters – Harriette and Carl

Still together? NO

The odds were really stacked against the Winslows. Both had stressful careers, Carl an overworked Chicago police officer and Harriette, once an elevator operator, then head of security, then head of sales. They had a full house — three kids, a widowed sister, a nephew, a mother and later on an orphan named 3J. How could any marriage survive with that many people around? Then there was Urkel who was always barging in, practically destroying the house with his bungled inventions, and endlessly annoying everyone he, or his alter ego came in contact with. Urkel’s constant presence in the Winslow home could not have been healthy for the marriage. Taxing jobs, an overflowing house, and the world’s worst neighbor: a recipe for marriage disaster.

Boy Meets World – Cory and Topanga

Still together? YES

Do we even need to talk about this? Yes, they stayed together. Duh. Next!

Family Ties – Elyse and Steven

Still together? YES

What a kooky liberal pair. They made it through the Reagan eighties intact so they’d be able to make it through anything. And with Alex off on Wall Street, Mallory married off to Nick, Jennifer well on her way to Oberlin and Andy fading away into thin air as he was a figment of everyone’s imagination (a real child cannot age five years in the span of one season, clearly he was an apparition all along), Elyse and Steven had the time and space to recommit to each other. Boy did their love flourish in those Clinton years.

Saved By The Bell – Kelly and Zack

Still together? NO

What a fairytale! High school sweethearts turned college newlyweds! What could go wrong? Everything! Zack kept scheming his way through life, and while the entrepreneur lifestyle was fun for a while it ended in trademark infringement and a brush with securities fraud. While Zack avoided jail time, he did lose the house and both cars. Then to top it off, drunk one night, Zack confessed he had the ability to freeze time, a secret he’d been keeping for his whole life. Kelly was furious. They were supposed to be partners! They were supposed to tell each other everything! She packed up the kids and headed to the Midwest hoping to find a good wholesome man with a stable job, a strong work ethic, no magical powers and a reasonably sized cell phone.

The Office – Dawn and Tim

Still together? YES

Arguing which version of The Office is better is a debate for another day, but it’s pretty clear Dawn and Tim lived happily ever after. Another slow building relationship, Dawn and Tim were friends first. They bonded over miserable jobs and everyone knows misery brings people together more effectively than anything good can. Maybe they settled in Slough or maybe they made their way to a better city to live out their dreams. Who knows, but I’m sure wherever they went, they went together.

Respectfully,
James J. Sexton