Divorce All-Stars: Madonna & Her (Former) Guy

Gather round, kids, it’s time for your #throwbackthursday divorce story of the week!

Once upon a time (in 2000), just around the time Madonna started pretending to be English, Madonna and Guy were married. They married in a Scottish castle just after their son was born and teamed up together to work on a very terrible film. Thankfully they decided to keep their careers separate following the movie’s epic flop and kept sailing along adding another child to their brood in 2006.


Rumors soon started swirling that there was trouble in paradise. They confirmed the split was legit by explaining they couldn’t “bear to live with the pretense any longer,” (#UGH) because Madonna must always be the most dramatic Madonna she can possibly be, at all times. But don’t cry for her (Argentina). 

The divorce proceedings were seemingly tame, and the settlement was finalized in 2008 with Madonna agreeing to pay out Guy something in the ballpark of $80 million. They split custody of their children, though Guy received full custody of Madonna’s English accent.

It was all very posh and everyone lived happily ever after. 

The End.