Think They're Still Together? Teen Couple Movie Edition

We had so much fun in our last installment that I thought it’d be a treat to once again use the firm’s years of experience in the world of failed romance to offer our predictions on the Romeos and Juliets of our formative years; the people who really taught us how to love — teen movie couples! Grab your popcorn and let’s go for a walk down Romance Lane…

She’s All That – Laney & Zack

Still together? NO.
Zack and Laney came from two different worlds – a cool jock one and a loser art one. In true teen movie fashion, what started out as a bet led to true love. Zack was trying to prove to his friends he could turn any girl into prom queen and while Zack thought he was teaching Laney lessons about popularity, turns out Laney was teaching Zack about the real world the whole time. They got together in the end, but I don’t think it lasted. Zack doesn’t know which way is up, he’s a ship without a sail and eventually I think that got to Laney. That and the hacky sack. They probably made it through the summer but when it was time to head off to college Laney wisened up and kicked him to the curb.

Pretty In Pink – Andie & Blane

Still together? NO.
Blane, major appliance, and Andie, poor person, were mismatched from the start. Blaine was ritzy and rich and Andi was poor and stricken with terminal Duckie disease, but they fell for each other against all odds, and against Steff’s wishes. Sure they showed a divided town that love knows no boundaries but they totally broke up like a week after prom. The thrill of their social subversion wore off pretty quick and they realized they had nothing to talk about. Andie was always going on about sewing and being destitute and Blane couldn’t focus on his Ferrari catalogs while she was yapping away. So, they broke up, Duckie came out and Steff murdered a prostitute.

Clueless – Cher & Josh

Still together? YES.
Would Cher and Josh break up? As if. (See what I did there?). After playing cupid to set up two of her teachers, Cher turned her attention to more trying charitable work by making over tragic fashion victim Tai. In the process Cher chipped through the veneer of her superficial personality, found herself and accidentally fell for her own grunge listening, save the whale protesting, college liberal stereotype of a step-brother. Woopsie.  Odds and social convention may have been stacked against them, but I think they made it. Cher grew up to be Elle Woods and probably joined her father and Josh in the family litigation business. Cher still has her ditzy side but Josh finds it endearing. And Josh’s veganism became less annoying, and more of a fad so Cher hopped on the soy wagon. They bicker and get on each other’s nerves, but there’s a solid foundation there.

Sixteen Candles – Sam & Jake

Still together? NO.
Sam and Jake got together after Sam’s whole family forgot her birthday and a lot of questionable, often racist things happened at a school dance and house party. Sam’s unrequited love was finally, um, requited thanks to Farmer Ted’s matchmaking skills. Sam and Jake shared a tender kiss over birthday cake and a million girls’ hearts exploded all at once. But did their love flourish? Maybe for the rest of Jake’s senior year, but after that, probably not. But what a year it was! Homecoming, winter formal, and prom were, I am sure, wonderful experiences. Then Jake split town for college and Sam basked in the warm glow of her hard earned popularity for another two years of high school.

Empire Records – Corey & AJ

Still together? NO.
It was hard for Corey to realize she wasn’t in love with Rex Manning and that she was in fact in love with sensitive artist AJ, but she got there in the end. And really, what better way to bounce back from total humiliation at the hands of sexy Rexy than having AJ profess his love on a record store rooftop? But did it last? Nah. Corey and AJ moved to Boston where Corey obviously developed a cocaine problem to cope with Harvard stress. AJ dropped out of art school after one semester, hitchhiked to Portland and founded a radical yarn bombing collective. Corey suffered several nervous breakdowns but eventually became a doctor and on slow nights in the ICU she gazes off into the distance and thinks of AJ and what he’s up to. He graffiti knits on lampposts, Corey. He’s happy and thinks of her often.

10 Things I Hate About You – Kat & Patrick

Still together? YES.
Bianca Stratford could only date if her uptight, ornery sister Kat did. New kid Cameron wanted to date Bianca. What’s a teen to do? Scheme of course. Cameron paid rough and tumble bad boy Patrick to woo impossible Kat, and wouldn’t you know it, it worked and along the way Patrick fell for Kat. Did they make it though? Yes. Kat and Patrick moved to New York after graduation and continued to have an on-again/off-again relationship for the rest of their lives. There are probably kids in the mix now that are raised on a steady diet of riot grrrl and unpasteurized milk. Begrudgingly they left the lower east side to move upstate to Rosendale or somewhere so Patrick could have more room to sculpt and Kat could have a proper writing room for her poetry. No one knows how the bills get paid but they do. Every six months or so there’s a big bust up and Patrick leaves for a few weeks, but he always comes back and the cycle begins anew.

Can’t Hardly Wait – Amanda & Preston

Still together? YES.
Preston loved Aman-DUH from afar for years. Finally, finally, finally he had the guts to tell her, in a letter, at movie history’s most wonderful and unrealistic high school party. The movie’s end credits told us “they are still together,” and while I find that a little questionable, who am I to argue with stone cold credits facts? They totally had a Barry Manilow cover band play at their wedding.

Drive Me Crazy – Nicole & Chase

Still together? NO.
Nicole and Chase were good friends until puberty and the cutthroat world of social climbing hit the scene. But one fateful day before the centennial dance, Nicole and Chase joined forces to trick two other students into loving them. It worked, but Nicole and Chase fell for each other during the process. Then their parents announced they were in love and moving in together. That’s odd to say the least. Girlfriend and boyfriend is hard enough, but add brother and sister on top of that, and it’s really hard to make a relationship work. They both went off to college and grew up and now make awkward eye contact over the Thanksgiving table.

Never Been Kissed – Josie & Sam

Still together? YES.
Sure Josie and Sam’s relationship was forged on a lie where the false circumstances actually made the burgeoning relationship really, really wrong. But Josie fessed up and explained she wasn’t in fact a high school senior, she was an adult woman reporter undercover, and their illegal and frankly very gross flirtation was actually totally cool. It’s hard to get past the original circumstances though isn’t it? He was a teacher; she was a high school student. It was totally and completely inappropriate no matter how ~mature~ and smart and interesting Josie was. Sam is the real grossie in this story, huh? Anywho, are they still together? Yeah. Once you get past the yuck, bleh, and ew beginning and they’re both legal adults, they are really sweet together and I think they made it.

Respectfully,

James J. Sexton